Thursday, January 2, 2014

The Journeys of 2013

The year 2013 held many joys, challenges, and adventures.  My journeys elevated me to fabulous mountaintops, sat me alongside quiet green pastures, and walked me through some rough valleys.  I would like to share some of them only because I’m so grateful for how my Shepherd has worked in my life this year, and I believe He deserves to be honored!




            Ahhh, the view from the mountaintop!  Such beauty.  Breath in the crisp, life-giving air.  These are the moments that you wish could last your whole life.  And yet, chances are, it wasn’t a cakewalk getting to this mountaintop; the journey there most likely included some valleys and tough terrain. But that’s part of what makes it so beautiful: if it wasn’t for the challenge of getting there, we wouldn’t fully grasp the magnificence.  This is why some of the happenings in 2013 are labeled both “mountaintop” and “valley” in my journal, or why two events in separate categories can be so closely related.  I’m thankful for the quiet pastures along the way that buffers the emotional extremes of the journey. :)
           
             By far the most exhilarating mountaintop of the year was getting to surprise my sister, Anna, for her graduation from Wheaton College.  For one, Anna is my dearest friend; she’s always been my truest confidant, supporter, and partner in crime.  Being away from her for 10 months was the longest we had been separated, and knowing I wouldn’t be there to celebrate this momentous occasion with her was one of the hardest blows of moving overseas.  However, God had other plans and graciously made a way for an early return to the States so that I could meet the family in Chicago!  Since my older brothers and I also attended Wheaton, this place represented 9 years of my family’s life; it was so special getting to walk down memory lane and close that chapter together.  There’s nothing quite like the reunion of sisters.  If it wasn’t hard to be separated from my family for 10 months, if missing Anna’s graduation wasn’t a real possibility, if it wasn’t difficult to pull together the finances and logistics of leaving Thailand early, then the sweetness of this moment would have been diluted.  The view during that graduation weekend was of pure love and the joy of togetherness. I’m grateful for that gracious gift!

Every good and perfect gift is from above… (James 1:17)
 
The fam in Wheaton for graduation!  Aaron, Katie (soon-to-be-sister-in-law!), Uncle Bryant, Granddad, Anna, Diane (sister-in-law), Jonathan, me, Dad, Mom. 
            Another remarkable view during 2013 was from Bailey, CO at Camp IdRaHaJe.  This camp has a special place in my heart as I’ve spent many memorable days there, both as a camper and staff member.  Time spent at camp never fails to point me to Christ, and this summer was no exception as I journeyed there to be Guest Missionary Speaker.  The significance of this experience was threefold:

1) This is where I first heard about Grace International School in the summer of 2010 from the current Missionary speakers; little did I know how pivotal that summer was, but it changed the course of my life for good!  

2) Speaking was a valley to overcome. Being a guest speaker in front of hundreds of kids and adults for a week was never on my bucket list; give me a script and a costume and I’ll quickly hop on stage, but public speaking has always tormented me for days before and after (ya know, there’s the hours of preparation beforehand to compose the perfect presentation and then the hours of replay in your mind and “Oh man, I can’t believe I said that,” and “Ugh, I meant to include that!”).  However, I love how God never stops asking us to step outside our comfort zone; He’s always a step ahead of us and is there to prove His faithfulness and power!  I’m so glad He didn’t let my fear dominate, or else I would have missed out on something awesome.  This latter statement has pretty much been the theme of my life since that fateful summer in 2010, as I've since then done many things I never dream of doing!  

3) It was truly a blessing to “inform, excite, and challenge campers to get involved in missions through spreading the Gospel.”  I love how God can use broken vessels like me to plant seeds in others; I love how He can manifest His love in the generous giving of young campers; I love how, by His grace, my seemingly insignificant story can be used to encourage others to get involved in missions; I love how God divinely crosses our paths for His purposes.  Sharing at camp reignited my passion for what I get to do in Thailand, and I left encouraged by the tender hearts of the campers and by God’s ability to speak to anyone, through anyone.

This is my command--be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9)

Campers praying for Thailand. 
             Some of the valleys during my 2013 journey were side effects of an international school’s transiency.  People come and go often.  You gain friends only to loose them a few months later; you long for intimate community, so you share your heart only to have it hurt worse when you have to say goodbye.  The coming and going of friends, co-workers, and students didn’t faze me much during my first year overseas, but it's had an effect on me this year.  I find myself often not wanting to go beyond a superficial level with newcomers, especially if I know they’re only here for a short while; I completely understand why some who have been in Thailand a long time seemed distant and uninvolved with us newcomers last year; I long to spend quality time with those back home who really know me, to have conversations with people who I don’t have to explain my history to; I’ve narrowed my “core” community.  Yet, the instability in this type of community has made me grateful for several things: God fully knows me, will always fully love me, and is my one constant Companion.  Because of this, His love can still overflow and allow me to love those around me.  I’ll probably forever be learning how to embrace that, but I would rather it hurt to say goodbye than to not love.  

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. (I John 4:7-8)
 
Tanya. This is one girl I miss terribly! 
            Another rough road to walk this year was a genetic testing for breast cancer.  My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer just before I graduated high school, and the following years of treatment and recovery were the most challenging of my family’s lives.  We praise God for my mom's full healing and for His ability to bring beauty from ashes; my family learned a lot during that time and we were bound together more tightly because of the trial.  Last summer, my mom told us that her cancer had come from a genetic mutation, BRCA1, and that my sister and I were now old enough to take proactive measures if we had the gene.  If we did, our chances of developing cancer early on in our lives would dramatically increase; it would almost be more of a question of when, not if.  After praying and talking about the benefits of knowing whether or not we had the gene, Anna and I decided to have the testing.  The two weeks of waiting, of weighing the outcomes, of playing different scenarios in my head was almost torture.  During those weeks, I had to come to peace with the two worst scenarios: I get cancer and die young, or Anna gets cancer and dies young.  The latter I couldn’t handle, so my constant prayer was for Anna to be free of the gene.  

            When you’re 25 and faced with the possibility of getting cancer at any time, life looks a little different; you suddenly realize what’s most important to you and how you’d want to spend your days if you only had a few left.  It’s interesting, though, because none of us have the promise of tomorrow, mutated cancer gene or not; how I pray that we realize how limited and precious our time on earth really is.  In the midst of all the waiting and crying, though, there was a sense of peace.  My family and friends helped me remember that nothing catches the Lord by surprise, that He created us, and this His plans for us were set before the creation of time.  

           I’ll never forget the day Anna and I met with the specialist to hear our results.  The doctor welcomed us in, sat us down, and then pulled out a glass of sparkling cider and said, “Ladies, this is a day to celebrate!!”  Anna and I couldn’t stop hugging each other!  The chances that both of us wouldn't have the gene was very, very slim, so this outcome was truly a miracle!  Needless to say, tears of utter relief and gratitude were shed the rest of the day.  

           I don’t know why the Lord has our stories written without the gene, but I guess I don’t need to know.  I’m just thankful for our health, for the deepened empathy we now have for others in that position, and for the reminder that every day is precious.

 The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame.  You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. (Isaiah 58:11)



            Between these mountaintops and valleys, there were many refreshing pastures:

*I found joy in new Thai experiences, such as Songkran (world’s biggest water fight), participating in GIS’s International Day in a traditional Thai dance (Gabo), and Loi Krathong (a lantern festival, which I missed last year).  

*I rediscovered the joy of reading; whether it be on my own, with my mom and sister, or with my students, I love that each book has the potential to shape part of your life as you understand others better, explore new places, and expand your imagination.  

*I spent a soul-refreshing summer in the States with family and friends (CO, CA, and IL!).  

*I’ve been beyond blessed with two fabulous roommates this year, Zoe and Leslie.  

*I’ve been in awe of Thailand’s beauty while adventuring with friends to Doi Inthanon (Thailand’s highest mountain), Pai (requires a crazy drive around 762 mountain curves), Bangkok, and Cha-am beach.  

*My spirits were revived from a visit from my brother and sister-in-law, Jonathan and Diane (this was really more of a mountaintop!).  

*I feel more settled in Thailand because of simple things like having "my" vegetable lady at the Thai market.  

*I've been overwhelmed more times than I can count with the joy and honor of teaching, specifically at GIS.  


           

In Pai with Faith and the roomies!
A 3D cell project. 

At the Royal Palace in Bangkok with Jonathan and Diane!

Creative students made a marvelous diorama of the settings in The Magician's Nephew.

Experiencing the holidays in Bangkok with Faith!

Yes, they sell and cut fresh fruit on the beach for you. :) 

            The journeys of 2013 had an overarching theme for me this year: being with God.  I’ve been caught up in a lot of “doing for God” over the last few years, and when you have the label of “Christian worker” there's even more pressure to be involved in the doings.  But God has both whispered and spoken forcefully to me this year, reminding me that His love is not earned…that the outpouring of His love is not directly proportionate to how much I do!  This is a mystery to me; His perfect and complete love cannot be understood.

She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what He said…'Martha, Martha…you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed.  Mary has chosen what is better, and it will bot be taken away from her.' (Luke 10:39-42)     




            Through the valleys, alongside the pastures, and up to the mountaintops, the Lord has been my faithful Shepherd.  He loves, comforts, guides, challenges, equips, and molds.  There’s so much more I could share about 2013, but this post is already too long.  If you actually made it to the end, thanks for reading!  May we continue to let the Lord lead us and be glorified in our lives.

Now may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing His will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to Him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. (Hebrews 13:20-21)

1 comment:

  1. I am so crazy proud of you and so crazy blessed to be your friend.

    ReplyDelete