The year 2013 held many joys,
challenges, and adventures. My journeys elevated me to fabulous mountaintops, sat me alongside quiet green pastures, and walked me through some rough valleys. I would like to share some of them only
because I’m so grateful for how my Shepherd has worked in my life this year,
and I believe He deserves to be honored!
Ahhh, the
view from the mountaintop! Such
beauty. Breath in the crisp, life-giving
air. These are the moments that you wish
could last your whole life. And yet, chances
are, it wasn’t a cakewalk getting to this mountaintop; the journey there most
likely included some valleys and tough terrain. But that’s part of what makes
it so beautiful: if it wasn’t for the challenge of getting there, we wouldn’t
fully grasp the magnificence. This is
why some of the happenings in 2013 are labeled both “mountaintop” and “valley”
in my journal, or why two events in separate categories can be so closely
related. I’m thankful for the quiet
pastures along the way that buffers the emotional extremes of the journey. :)
By far the most exhilarating mountaintop of
the year was getting to surprise my sister, Anna, for her graduation from
Wheaton College. For one, Anna is my
dearest friend; she’s always been my truest confidant, supporter, and partner
in crime. Being away from her for 10
months was the longest we had been separated, and knowing I wouldn’t be there
to celebrate this momentous occasion with her was one of the hardest blows of
moving overseas. However, God had other
plans and graciously made a way for an early return to the States so that I could meet
the family in Chicago! Since my older brothers
and I also attended Wheaton, this place represented 9 years of my family’s
life; it was so special getting to walk down memory lane and close that chapter
together. There’s nothing quite like the
reunion of sisters. If it wasn’t hard
to be separated from my family for 10 months, if missing Anna’s graduation
wasn’t a real possibility, if it wasn’t difficult to pull together the finances
and logistics of leaving Thailand early, then the sweetness of this moment
would have been diluted. The view during
that graduation weekend was of pure love and the joy of togetherness. I’m
grateful for that gracious gift!
Every good and perfect gift is from above… (James 1:17)
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| The fam in Wheaton for graduation! Aaron, Katie (soon-to-be-sister-in-law!), Uncle Bryant, Granddad, Anna, Diane (sister-in-law), Jonathan, me, Dad, Mom. |
Another remarkable view during 2013 was from Bailey, CO at Camp IdRaHaJe. This camp has a special place in my heart as
I’ve spent many memorable days there, both as a camper and staff member. Time spent at camp never fails to point me to
Christ, and this summer was no exception as I journeyed there to be Guest
Missionary Speaker. The significance of
this experience was threefold:
1) This
is where I first heard about Grace International School in the summer of 2010
from the current Missionary speakers; little did I know how pivotal that
summer was, but it changed the course of my life for good!
2) Speaking was a valley to overcome. Being a
guest speaker in front of hundreds of kids and adults for a week was never on my bucket list; give me a script and a costume and I’ll
quickly hop on stage, but public speaking has always tormented me for days
before and after (ya know, there’s the hours of preparation beforehand to
compose the perfect presentation and
then the hours of replay in your mind and “Oh man, I can’t believe I said
that,” and “Ugh, I meant to include that!”).
However, I love how God never stops asking us to step outside our
comfort zone; He’s always a step ahead of us and is there to prove His
faithfulness and power! I’m so glad He
didn’t let my fear dominate, or else I would have missed out on something
awesome. This latter statement has pretty much been the theme of my life since that fateful summer in 2010, as I've since then done many things I never dream of doing!
3) It was truly a blessing to
“inform, excite, and challenge campers to get involved in missions through
spreading the Gospel.” I love how God
can use broken vessels like me to plant seeds in others; I love how He can
manifest His love in the generous giving of young campers; I love how, by His
grace, my seemingly insignificant story can be used to encourage others to get
involved in missions; I love how God divinely crosses our paths for His
purposes. Sharing at camp reignited my
passion for what I get to do in Thailand, and I left encouraged by the tender
hearts of the campers and by God’s ability to speak to anyone, through anyone.
This is my command--be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid
or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go. (Joshua 1:9)
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| Campers praying for Thailand. |
Some of the valleys during my 2013 journey
were side effects of an international school’s transiency. People come and go often. You gain friends only to loose them a few
months later; you long for intimate community, so you share your heart only to
have it hurt worse when you have to say goodbye. The coming and going of friends, co-workers,
and students didn’t faze me much during my first year overseas, but it's had
an effect on me this year. I find myself
often not wanting to go beyond a superficial level with newcomers, especially
if I know they’re only here for a short while; I completely understand why some
who have been in Thailand a long time seemed distant and uninvolved with us
newcomers last year; I long to spend quality time with those back home who
really know me, to have conversations with people who I don’t have to explain
my history to; I’ve narrowed my “core” community. Yet, the instability in this type of
community has made me grateful for several things: God fully knows me, will
always fully love me, and is my one constant Companion. Because of this, His love can still overflow and allow me to love those
around me. I’ll probably forever be
learning how to embrace that, but I would rather it hurt to say goodbye than to
not love.
Beloved,
let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born
of God and knows God. (I John 4:7-8)
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| Tanya. This is one girl I miss terribly! |
Another
rough road to walk this year was a genetic testing for breast cancer. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer just
before I graduated high school, and the following years of treatment and
recovery were the most challenging of my family’s lives. We praise God for my mom's full healing and for
His ability to bring beauty from ashes; my family learned a lot during that time
and we were bound together more tightly because of the trial. Last summer, my mom told us that her cancer
had come from a genetic mutation, BRCA1, and that my sister and I were now old enough to
take proactive measures if we had the gene.
If we did, our chances of developing cancer early
on in our lives would dramatically increase; it would almost be more of a question
of when, not if. After praying and
talking about the benefits of knowing whether or not we had the gene, Anna and
I decided to have the testing. The two
weeks of waiting, of weighing the outcomes, of playing different scenarios in
my head was almost torture. During those
weeks, I had to come to peace with the two worst scenarios: I get cancer and
die young, or Anna gets cancer and dies young.
The latter I couldn’t handle, so my constant prayer was for Anna to be
free of the gene.
When you’re 25 and
faced with the possibility of getting cancer at any time, life looks a little
different; you suddenly realize what’s most important to you and how you’d want
to spend your days if you only had a few left.
It’s interesting, though, because none of us have the promise of
tomorrow, mutated cancer gene or not; how I pray that we realize how limited
and precious our time on earth really is.
In the midst of all the waiting and crying, though, there was a sense of
peace. My family and friends helped me
remember that nothing catches the Lord by surprise, that He created us, and
this His plans for us were set before the creation of time.
I’ll never forget the day Anna and I met with
the specialist to hear our results. The
doctor welcomed us in, sat us down, and then pulled out a glass of sparkling cider
and said, “Ladies, this is a day to celebrate!!” Anna and I couldn’t stop hugging each
other! The chances that both of us wouldn't have the gene was very, very slim, so this outcome was truly a miracle! Needless to say, tears of utter relief and
gratitude were shed the rest of the day.
I don’t know why the Lord has our stories written without the gene, but
I guess I don’t need to know. I’m just thankful
for our health, for the deepened empathy we now have for others in that
position, and for the reminder that every day is precious.
The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. (Isaiah 58:11)
Between these mountaintops and valleys, there were many refreshing pastures:
*I found joy in new Thai experiences, such as
Songkran (world’s biggest water fight), participating in GIS’s International
Day in a traditional Thai dance (Gabo), and Loi Krathong (a
lantern festival, which I missed last year).
*I rediscovered the joy of reading; whether it be on my own, with my mom and sister, or with my students, I
love that each book has the potential to shape part of your life as you
understand others better, explore new places, and expand your imagination.
*I spent a soul-refreshing summer in the
States with family and friends (CO, CA, and IL!).
*I’ve been beyond blessed with two fabulous
roommates this year, Zoe and Leslie.
*I’ve been in awe of Thailand’s beauty while adventuring with friends to
Doi Inthanon (Thailand’s highest mountain), Pai (requires a crazy drive around
762 mountain curves), Bangkok, and Cha-am beach.
*My spirits were revived from a visit from my
brother and sister-in-law, Jonathan and Diane (this was really more of a
mountaintop!).
*I feel more settled in Thailand because of simple things like having "my" vegetable lady at the Thai market.
*I've been overwhelmed more times than I can count with the joy and honor of teaching, specifically at GIS.
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| In Pai with Faith and the roomies! |
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| A 3D cell project. |
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| At the Royal Palace in Bangkok with Jonathan and Diane! |
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| Creative students made a marvelous diorama of the settings in The Magician's Nephew. |
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| Experiencing the holidays in Bangkok with Faith! |
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| Yes, they sell and cut fresh fruit on the beach for you. :) |
The
journeys of 2013 had an overarching theme for me this year: being with God. I’ve been caught up in a lot of “doing for God” over
the last few years, and when you have the label
of “Christian worker” there's even more pressure to be involved in the doings. But God
has both whispered and spoken forcefully to me this year, reminding me that His love is not
earned…that the outpouring of His love is not directly proportionate to how much I
do! This is a mystery to me; His perfect
and complete love cannot be understood.
She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what He said…'Martha, Martha…you are worried and upset about many things, but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will bot be taken away from her.' (Luke 10:39-42)
Through the
valleys, alongside the pastures, and up to the mountaintops, the Lord has been
my faithful Shepherd. He loves,
comforts, guides, challenges, equips, and molds. There’s so much more I could share about
2013, but this post is already too long.
If you actually made it to the end, thanks for reading! May we continue to let the Lord lead us and be
glorified in our lives.
Now
may the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought
back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you
with everything good for doing His will, and may he work in us what is pleasing
to Him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. (Hebrews 13:20-21)
